$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
