hell yes lets make some ravioli
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
