Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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