Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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