Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
