nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
