false alarm. still invincible.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
This is my gift to your gina
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize