im drinking this country out of the recession.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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