Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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