i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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