We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
