You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize