It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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