We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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