the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
