genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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