You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
