mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
