Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
