you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
