we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
