I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
