i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
