Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize