I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
