I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
