A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
