he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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