How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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