im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
