Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Randomize
