Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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