I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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