So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
