If that was your dad, he is hot
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize