butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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