I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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