I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
