the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
