I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
