All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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