I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I will be naked everywhere
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
