I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
