the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Randomize
