Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize