worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
