Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
