My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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