The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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