it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
someone owes me an orgasm
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize