So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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