Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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