Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
