So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
