he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
