He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
