the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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