At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Randomize
