it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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