Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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