In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
