..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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