It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
