I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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