nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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