I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
love makes seman taste better
We got so high we made milksteak
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize