dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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