She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
