i'm signing you up for texting rehab
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
