I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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