we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
