So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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