the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
