Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
