dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
