Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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