News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
the liver wants what the liver wants
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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