dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
