did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
