the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
