Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
