Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
