whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I need to sanitize my soul.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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