I can text with my tongue
I am spending my child support on dildos
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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