Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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