I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You have to summon your inner elephant
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
