seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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