On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
